Publication #9824576
NEW ENACT GREETPOL UPDT 2/08
IMMEDIATE RELEASE BINDING TO CITIZENRY
Dear Citizen Member #113-05-6467:
In accordance with new greeting policy enacted by your United States Congress this quarter and ratified under the Turdy Act of 2002, this document is hereby remanded to all citizens in social commerce regarding the accepted procedures pertaining to the meeting and greeting of American citizen individuals within your social class bracket, in that such above mentioned meeting and greeting is understood to be between two (2) American citizen individuals for the first (1st) time, with no foreknowledge (i.e. direct greeting, not including hearsay and reputation) of one another’s existence within the confines of said United States, its territories, and outlying areas.
WHEREAS previously accepted greetings between American citizen individuals included “Hello, my name is (citizen name),” and officially recognized variants thereof (e.g. “Howdy, mah nayum is (citizen name),”) as stated in pub.1127853, it has been duly recognized and determined they are overtly familiar and no longer in the best interests of the generally recognized public populace.
The new duly recognized and officially correct greeting between individuals meeting for the first time has been entered into the record and sealed as follows:
“Look, I don’t want any trouble.”
Use of this mandated greeting is compulsory as of the upcoming behavioral quarter and has been determined to be in the best interests of the citizenry, excluding Indians not taxed.
Your government sincerely regrets any inconvenience or discomfort the use of unduly familiar greetings may have caused yourself and your fellow Americans in any manner, but is not to be considered liable for any damages either directly or indirectly stemming from previously mandated greetings as recognized by the Law of the Land (see pub.1127854).
Official apologies affixed with the Seal of the Presidency are available by telefax. See pub.1125800 for appropriate contact agencies in your region and/or zone.
Yours,
Sean McNally, Public Policy Shoofly
The United States of America
We’re Your Government, Doing It All For You!
