Why does the President have such an obvious erection? What’s at the bottom of this whole erection business? Is he thinking of his wife or someone else? Is he thinking of someone famous or a girl back in high school or some photograph he happened to see in passing this morning? And is it necessarily a woman on his mind? There’s always rumors and hearsay, but does that mean that a President’s erection is in on the joke? Is the obvious erection perhaps a symptom of ongoing or oncoming medical problems? Have doctors been consulted? Or is this just one of those erections that happen to men from time to time, and a fellow simply has to wait for it to go down, podium or no?
The press can tell there’s something going on, but can’t really tell what it is that’s happening to the President. So they just ask questions. They ask about touchy border conflicts, about hostages and obsolete military aircraft. They want to know if illiteracy is on the rise or wane and if the inclement weather is part of a trend. They query about the economy and again with the salamander in the water supply. They go so far as to quiz the President on pop stars of the day and he begins to fear the one question he doesn’t want to answer is on its way, the question about his steadfast refusal to leave the podium, to cease all this answering of questions. He’s afraid at any moment, some rascal, some wag will cup his hands to his mouth and shout, “Mister President! What’s in your pants?”
