March 2008
44 posts
How many haunted house attractions can a community...
Twelve.
Nobody's gotten any smarter, or funnier, or...
What Won't Work?
Elevators; automobiles (cars, buses, motorcycles); turbines; newspaper printing presses; trains; washing machines; outboard motors; malted milk machines; milking machines; rollercoasters; factories; drawbridges; tractors; telephones.
Weighing Urine Soaked Pornography
Having been a dork for this stuff as a kid, I’m amazed to have only just learned that when Voyager 1 was launched in 1977, Carl Sagan and Michael Ford were drunk and stoned, laughing their asses off that Voyager 1 was going a couple months after Voyager 2. Something about orbits and whatnot was why, but so fucking what? This was passing for drunken druggie humor with these kinds of guys in...
There are only three things on this great big...
"...caskets lined the front of a packed...
—television newscast overheard in passing; situation referenced unknown, but probably nothing good.
Barack Obama Says →
Hillary Clinton Responds
I’m here because of Ashley, too. I’m here because I want Ashley to die. I want to kill Ashley. I’d do it with a gun, a knife, my bare hands…the American people know I have what it takes. If necessary I will rip Ashley’s throat with my teeth, I will open her belly and devour her entrails. I will spit Ashley’s dying blood into her mother’s eyes. This...
John McCain Responds
Race shmace. I don’t care if you people learn this shit, I still get paid the same.
The streets are filled with Yahoos tonight. Take...
“Hooray for the Irish” —Johnny...
Letter to the Editor (SPIN Magazine, 1991)
I picked up the June issue of SPIN, the first I’d ever read, because of the simple line on the cover, “How to Get Your Own Guns N’ Roses Interview” [June ‘91]. These nine words caused me to grab the magazine and pay for it, without taking the time to look through it, as I usually do, when purchasing magazines. Guns N’ Roses is my all-time favorite band. Slash...
You need: "The next craze in crowd... →
Listen
“They all actin’ like they ain’t never did nuttin’!”
– Random low-income woman at the corner of Steinway Street and 35th Avenue in Astoria, waving a tabloid newspaper filled with headlines about Eliot Spitzer, in discussion with her companion, a random low-income man.
Tits!
I can't tell you how much you need this. →
Casper, the Friendly Wyoming.
“[Moaning continues]”
– Pornography on Mute
I am always connected with the Divine Love in the...
I spent the better part of the morning grumpy as hell, just pissed off, going around the office muttering like Popeye.
As I was heading to lunch, something happened that changed my outlook, really brightened my whole day. I was about to pop into the store where I buy my paper, and this woman pushing a stroller crossed my path. Perfectly good looking mom, happy, with a bright eyed tot in the...
