Filled with Chocolate Pudding!

The North American Signal Crayfish will save us all.

In Russia.

That Barilla Pasta commercial where the lady is making pasta and looking over at the guy across the way and she screws up the pasta, and she is sad, and then a box of Barilla Pasta is mysteriously in front of her door and she makes that, and everybody comes over, and they are all obvious pricks, and they’re all really enjoying the pasta and doing that dumb fake Italian kissing the fingers thing about it, and she looks over at the guy’s window again, except her face falls because he’s over there naked and sweaty with a really furious look on his face, staring right at her while he masturbates into a box of pasta and BONER KING is tattooed on his chest.

You Are a Cat!

That lady is going to get that weird cat virus pregnancy disease. She’s extremely pregnant, you just can’t see it on the cover. The pictures inside have her licking the cat all over sucking its paws and rubbing it all over her pregnant body and saying “I don’t care! I love my cat!” and her doctor is frowning and then her baby is born really weird, and then they show the cat looking satisfied while the lady makes an embarrassed face about the monstrous birth and her husband is slamming the door and getting into a red convertible with his secretary who is busty, and the cat looks out the window and jumps down out the window over the flowerbox and into the garden and across the yard and gives the husband a quizzical look and the husband smiles and winks at the cat and the cat leaps into the secretary’s lap and they zoom away, the end.

That’s the plot I picked.